What is the identity of the sun?

Lets read the text below slowly to mindfully understand!

The clouds never were! Their identity was limited to a certain time. Even their presence or form, was non-existential at large. The sun though, is always there, even when unseen!

Not seeing the sun, cannot mean, the sun isn’t!

Can the sun ever lose its identity?

And, in fact, the sun does NOT even have any identity. Try define it!?!

One cannot.

It is a totally undefined entity — there, yet not!

No one can touch it, or say it has a form.

You CANNOT say its a sphere. Really! Can we?

Just because you seem to see its shape with the naked eye, it cannot be accepted as a sphere!

Try meditate on this. You will figure it out…the sun does not have a shape.

From the outside, it seems to, but from the inside, it does not….it is an unexplained mass of gasses and heat. Hundreds of solar flares in seconds being emitted? From where do they emit? To where do they reach?

Can we say there is a source even? Can we say there is a limit to where it reaches?

— — — — —

I am/was literally dying!

No, it was not cancer. It was not brain hemorrhage or a heart issue either. But, I cannot deny that I was seeing myself sinking through an abyss which seemed to have no bottom.

Each time I tried to catch onto something, just something to make me feel ‘safe’, I failed!

Nothing – nothing seemed to help me feel ‘assured!’ There was no sense of ‘self-identity’ or ‘purpose’. It was a complete void. A nothingness, a hollowness, beyond definition!

Call it what you will, it did not seem anything other than ‘Death’!

Surely, someone in physical pain, or with an extremely difficult personal circumstance, would qualify as being worse off. Homelessness would certainly have been a more stark reality than mine. Yes, I am not here claiming I was worse off than anyone. In fact, I am not comparing myself to anyone at all.

— — — — –

I am not in any profession or ‘work’ defined by society. I have enough ‘now’ to eat, with a roof over my head.

I have had the privilege to delve into a variety of roles across private corporations, financial services and consulting organisations, setting up and running businesses (no million dollar exits), media, fashion, mental health, and even running a small yoga practice with my wife.

All these gave me some form of identity at the stage when I was travelling and transitioning through each of them. Each one, seemed to fill up a part of me that wanted to identify with something.

Sometimes, it was wanting to be seen as having the knowledge to guide others; other times, it was the attraction of money to make those deals which others would find impossible.

Some of the initiatives were possibly unimaginable ventures! Entering countries to launch an early stage technology business with not knowing a single soul. It was simply for the thrill to set up something from scratch, in a land with culture and language unknown, yet driven by the challenge of creating something enviable.

At other times, it was just because I wanted to help a friend, realise his dream, and do the impossible simply to show that he could do the same.

Finally, it was also to help the community benefit from what directly made them realise how much they could benefit their mind and body, cognitively recognise through their personal direct experience that their true self was none other than the soul, above and beyond all the conceived/ perceived external elements.

— — — — –

But what does it all mean? Why was I feeling as if travelling through DEATH?

Because – I was looking in the face of my past!

Every act, immoral as it would be called, in any and every avenue, possibly against every level of what the messiah’s would claim to be ‘spiritual’ by any definition.

So? Should I not have an opportunity to live again? Should my past, or anyone’s past, be allowed to have the power, to define them as they were, rather than as they are?

— — — — — –

And that’s what its all about! When you do shadow work, you look into the face of anything that you feel has let yourself down. Anything that feels like weight on your heart. And although you look at it so close again, despite never wanting to experience an iota of it again, only this time, it is to let go of that past which does not define you anymore!

You offer it to the sacred fire in your heart. You offer it, so that that memory may turn to ashes, and the smoke of it rising up, may be let go of from your entire system.

So that you may know, THAT, doesn’t define YOU any more. You allow more space within yourself, so that new, better, more useful qualities may germinate.

Isn’t that what we do in the garden? If there are weeds, we try remove them. If they keep growing, we empty out the soil and make space. Then, we put new soil….its the same for anything. We don’t define that patch by what it was in the past. We simply see it for what it is now. If its got beautiful roses blooming, will you say “Oh no, its actually weeds!” No, you won’t. You are now, a bouquay of beautiful red roses!

— — — — —

So, what is my identity now?

Now, nothing gives me an identity. I am who I am, as I am, in the moment I am. No past defines me. No past limits me. No past is me.

The pristine ‘I’, am, what it is, in the NOW.

In fact, even in the personal experience, one can truly only be at peace, when one is in the NOW. When one is STILL internally, then, one does not need to depend on anything from the past, or worry about a future.

The only activity that allows me to ‘sigh’, and truly relax, as if ‘home’, is sitting with myself. It does not mean literally sitting. Wherever I am, I am in my NOW.

SILENCE, is the only pass-time, the only hobby, which makes me feel ‘closer to home’. The thoughtlessness, the stillness, the silence beyond the silence, takes over. And there, it seems like, even without ANY identity whatsoever, I am fully recognisable — as THAT, no one can define!

— — — — — — –

So, why am I writing this?

Its so that you also don’t feel the need to justify yourself. Life is, what it is, in the moment that you can see yourself, just as you yourself authentically! It is pure, absolute, untainted, SELF. The past, is the past! It does not define you.

Truly of course, with the multitude of impressions that we all receive from family, media and society at large, there is a lot to undo, a lot to un-learn, which then reveals who we never were. Whether you call it ‘samskaras’ by Indian sanskirt and yogic traditions, or shadow work, from a western perspective, we have to erase that, which never was!

Because truly, only that can be erased, which was always non-existent and only ‘seemed’ to cover what truly there IS!

We need ourselves to completely ‘emerge out’ from the mind and sub-conscious, and ‘merge into’ that who we truly are.

Contemplate on the above!

Aum, Peace Peace Peace!